3:45 pm
in the distance, all you could see is the face of a girl who has lost everything
its a dark night, a dark foggy night to be exact
or at least for her.
You wonder why she walks around so late at night,
what goes on in her head at this time?
as a spiritual being, I feel the presence of every soul around me
I sound like I’m some type of wizard, but the truth is that I have had
too much time to get in touch with my feelings. It is a good and bad
thing to have such ability to fully grasp the energy of others in your
soul, and see what they see through their lens. In some ways, it helps me
set myself apart from others. I may not be part of what society deems normal,
but in other ways I call it my super power.
If I can describe my soul, I would say its a pretty sad soul.
This however does not mean that I am not happy, but my soul just requires a little bit more work to maintain a happy life.
its a conflicting world when you, yourself are a happy a person
but your soul isn’t.
its a constant war between which world will win,
its the confusing appearance of a sad face on a happy person.
she walks with her headphones in, I wonder what shes listening to
i walk up to her, and ask her if shes okay.
she gives me a quick smile and says
“im more than okay, im collecting my energy right now”
such a beautiful thing that she can enjoy the peace of her own silince
such a beautiful thing that while she walks she looks at the world around her
and shes not tied to her phone
I feel like I scare people away when they see how much i love my alone time
sometimes it shows off when I am in a group of people
I tend to zone out
when you are so used to being alone, your thoughts tend to run through your mind all day
constant brain energy never stops, and once you obtain it, you dont want it to leave.
an overthinker will not stop thinking until there is an answer,
therefore curiosity will drive not only the discipline that one can have, but ones mental resilience.
I am always with my headphones in
the world has disappointed me too many times, and all I want to do is listen to the voices that I chose.
when my headphones are in, every problem, every thought is quiet and all I focus on is the song.
music did not only save my life, but it aided me in time when all I had was isolation
All I could do is hold her
I looked into her eyes and it still sparkled
I could see on her face years worth of pain, but she is standing in front of me smiling
and she has the biggest smile in the world.
How can someone so sad, also be the happiest person in the world?
we sit down on a bench that sits next to a park. It is two am, the night sky shines with stars,
a yellow streetlight beams across her face.
I see a tear slowly trickling down her face,
the way she sits on this bench looks like she has been here for years.
she has learned to adjust to the comfort of a wooden seat, with one leg on the bench, and the other flat on the floor.
she gives me her headphone and tells me to listen,
part of a soul who feels so sad, it almost feels like it craves love more than others. passion pumps my blood, but love drives me. I may never understand my thoughts fully, I understand that the love that I can give to the world is my purpose, my mission.
but this is where everything begins to feel foggy.
I want to love, but everyone leaves.
I think I have come to terms with it though. if you want to leave, leave. but I also tend to run away, it is all I know.
isolation is the biggest form of comfort that I have found. You cannot get hurt if you disconnect from everyone, no one can hurt you if you do not let them. But then there is no one to love, there is no one to hold.
the antagonist in my story is myself. No one can hurt you as much as you can hurt yourself
I take the earbud out of my ear, and she looks at me waiting for a reaction. It is almost as if its her first time sharing such information about her soul to anyone. She almost looks frightened, scared. But I can tell that the weight on her back is starting to release. She switches positions on the bench, and we both sit in silence.
“I miss the old me” she says
“I dont know who I am anymore ”
she slowly gets up, gives me a sincere look,
and as she walks away, the fog begins to clear.
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