Rainy in Seattle

Why is it so sad?

To me- when I pick up my pen and paper I am to be revealed of all my truths. I have lived a sad life- and I cant seem to get out of it. My pen and paper is in replace of a mask that barley fits my face, and so I let myself express to you my pain, because we all deep down feel the shame.

I used to write all day about how I hated when the sun went away. I would cry for hours about how my days were filled with grey clouds that were only to be accompanied by the raindrops that would fall shortly after. But when the night came, and it was time to sleep, the sound and smell of the rain was the only thing that could calm me down.

The rain was the only sound louder than my mind, and no matter how much I hated you, you were the only thing that gave me peace.

and then I left you.

I left my home, I left my room my bed, my dog, I left my life. and no matter how much I hated every part of it, It was the only thing that gave me peace, because I always had something to lean on, something to quiet down the noise and the thoughts in my head.

And you say im brave

You say that Im strong

but inside, I feel a million knives in my back. by you.

Because I didn’t have a choice, and you continued to blame me for the way you raised me. You gave me a roof and food over my head, but you never let me explore the things I loved. You never looked at me as an individual, you looked at me like a walking diploma. You saw me come home from school everyday in tears, only to come home to more.

I am not brave. I just gave up my peace so that I can give up a little bit of my pain.

I want to forgive you, but how can I forgive you when the only person I needed the most was you, and you weren’t there. You let me stay in the puddle of my tears, and the rain was the only thing that could wash it away.

My heart aches because I know that I can never come back home, because a life back with you is giving up the freedom that I built for myself. I am not brave, I am just trying to get my life back

So, why does is it have to be sad?

perspective,