Our fear is wrapped around hurting our loved ones.
We hide behind the shadows of our idols and when we need to make decisions- we ask ourselves
“would they approve?”
Fear has an interesting way of controlling the mind. We believe that if we feel fear we need to run away from it- but what do we gain from it?
What we fear will come back to us until we eventually face it- and then it becomes another regular object that passes us by.
And why do we care so much about approval when we are the deciders.
And why would we pass up an opportunity that we have been dreaming of our whole lives to satisfy a society that anyways isn’t consistent?
Sometimes- we disappoint the people we love.
Sometimes what we want and who we are no longer aligns or has never aligned with their beliefs.
And you feel as if you failed- because you couldn’t satisfy. But the truth to it all- is that running away from fear means disappointing ourselves.
There is no winning- there is no losing.
The ones who truly love you will stay and eventually accept your decision-even if they will never understand.
And the ones who don’t- are people you don’t need in your life anyways.
Fear is an invitation- and disappointment is part of decision making. The question is, do you want to live a life you want or will you stay hidden behind shadows that you eventually outgrow?
she used to stay up at night. Looking at her phone she sees no one was looking for her. Is she alone or is she addicted to the machine that became her lifeline-
Wake up she tells herself, it’s 3 in the morning why would she feel the urge to open her eyes so early.
If she looked out her window maybe she could see the moon yawning and the night illuminating a sidewalk that she walks past everyday yet never truly sees.
Now it’s 15 in the afternoon and she’s asleep. Her mind is trapped in a cycle of living in a dream- and disintegrating in the daytime.
Are we really living if we hate every part of it?
She wakes up- already waiting for the day to end
yet she has plans to conquer the world- but when she seee her phone empty she coincides with the power box and the life she so hopefully wants to conquer goes into the depth of empty promises and worn out shoes that has no more room to walk in.
She wants to yell- she’s tired of meeting with the moon every night, she became an absolute stranger to the sun, she wonders if she can ever get out of this loop and if it’s hopeless.
She’s lost everything when all she did was hold onto it.
Maybe if she let go- maybe if she took care of herself- maybe maybe maybe.
How do you know if your family loves you when you were at your lowest and they stayed silent? when the beast came out you froze, but when the war was over you remembered my name.
We shared a room,
We shared a life.
You saw me when I was drowning- could you not lend a life?
You were a product of a creator that destroys, you run the same blood as me and yet we don’t see eye to eye.
I want to love you, but where were you when i needed love?
We haven’t spoken in a year, You’re getting married soon.
I am a visitor in your life- Family doesn’t leave their sister to fade into the misery of their pain: The truth.
perspective can you hear me?
perspective are you my family?
i am standing in a crowded room, looking for you. When the flashbacks hit me, all i see is me in search of my big sister who was supposed to meet me on the other side.
I searched for you day and night-
Yelling your name so loud in every corner that you could have been hiding.
Holding on to a memory of a sister I once had, before the trauma, and cussed the world for making me so broken that even my oldest sister didn’t want me anymore.
You ask me what it means to build a home, But do you really know what home means?
When there is a roof over your head, and your room is sound proof.
It takes more than screws and a hammer to build a home.
You can have expectations but nothing is set in stone. You must learn to accept before you give, and when you see a room with the lights off you bring a candle. To build a home you need to be attentive. A room is never soundproof, and when the night eventually comes you have to turn on the lights.
in the distance, all you could see is the face of a girl who has lost everything its a dark night, a dark foggy night to be exact or at least for her. You wonder why she walks around so late at night, what goes on in her head at this time?
as a spiritual being, I feel the presence of every soul around me I sound like I’m some type of wizard, but the truth is that I have had too much time to get in touch with my feelings. It is a good and bad thing to have such ability to fully grasp the energy of others in your soul, and see what they see through their lens. In some ways, it helps me set myself apart from others. I may not be part of what society deems normal, but in other ways I call it my super power. If I can describe my soul, I would say its a pretty sad soul. This however does not mean that I am not happy, but my soul just requires a little bit more work to maintain a happy life. its a conflicting world when you, yourself are a happy a person but your soul isn’t. its a constant war between which world will win, its the confusing appearance of a sad face on a happy person.
she walks with her headphones in, I wonder what shes listening to i walk up to her, and ask her if shes okay. she gives me a quick smile and says “im more than okay, im collecting my energy right now” such a beautiful thing that she can enjoy the peace of her own silince such a beautiful thing that while she walks she looks at the world around her and shes not tied to her phone
I feel like I scare people away when they see how much i love my alone time sometimes it shows off when I am in a group of people I tend to zone out when you are so used to being alone, your thoughts tend to run through your mind all day constant brain energy never stops, and once you obtain it, you dont want it to leave. an overthinker will not stop thinking until there is an answer, therefore curiosity will drive not only the discipline that one can have, but ones mental resilience. I am always with my headphones in the world has disappointed me too many times, and all I want to do is listen to the voices that I chose. when my headphones are in, every problem, every thought is quiet and all I focus on is the song. music did not only save my life, but it aided me in time when all I had was isolation
All I could do is hold her I looked into her eyes and it still sparkled I could see on her face years worth of pain, but she is standing in front of me smiling and she has the biggest smile in the world. How can someone so sad, also be the happiest person in the world? we sit down on a bench that sits next to a park. It is two am, the night sky shines with stars, a yellow streetlight beams across her face. I see a tear slowly trickling down her face, the way she sits on this bench looks like she has been here for years. she has learned to adjust to the comfort of a wooden seat, with one leg on the bench, and the other flat on the floor. she gives me her headphone and tells me to listen,
part of a soul who feels so sad, it almost feels like it craves love more than others. passion pumps my blood, but love drives me. I may never understand my thoughts fully, I understand that the love that I can give to the world is my purpose, my mission.
but this is where everything begins to feel foggy.
I want to love, but everyone leaves.
I think I have come to terms with it though. if you want to leave, leave. but I also tend to run away, it is all I know.
isolation is the biggest form of comfort that I have found. You cannot get hurt if you disconnect from everyone, no one can hurt you if you do not let them. But then there is no one to love, there is no one to hold.
the antagonist in my story is myself. No one can hurt you as much as you can hurt yourself
I take the earbud out of my ear, and she looks at me waiting for a reaction. It is almost as if its her first time sharing such information about her soul to anyone. She almost looks frightened, scared. But I can tell that the weight on her back is starting to release. She switches positions on the bench, and we both sit in silence.
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